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Culture, Firearms, Politics, Religion, Society

Jews Agree with Ben Carson

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I was pretty confused when I learned that the media was making a big deal about a comment Dr. Ben Carson made recently about how the plight of the Jews would be have been more favorable, and that the Holocaust could have possibly been diminished had Jews had firearms in the 1930’s and 40’s. A lot of people are treating this as Ben Carson’s big gaffe, like it’s some foot-in-mouth comment akin to Joe Biden telling women to “just get a shotgun”.

What’s more surprising, is that people find his comment surprising. Let me explain.

I’m Jew…ish. My mom’s a Jew. I occasionally went to temple growing up. I do own a couple yamakas that I save for the occasional Passover or Yom Kippur dinner. I was raised with Jews growing up.

But then I also spent a month in Israel as part of a religious trip shortly after graduating college. While I was there I also spoke with dozens of rabbis, and rabbinic scholars. I spoke with pizza maker Jews, taxi cab driver Jews, bartender Jews, mom Jews and dad Jews. I even went to the official Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem.

Guess what. They all have guns. And they agree with Ben Carson.

Almost unanimously, Jewish people acknowledge that part of the reason why the holocaust was allowed to get as out of control as it did, was that no one did anything about it. No one slayed the holocaust in its infancy. That no one, including the Jews, opposed the Nazi’s until it was too late. That Jews were powerless to stop the harassment, the badging, the confiscation, and the vandalism. They were powerless to stop the thuggery, the detainment, and ultimate genocide of their own people.

In fact, Jews have a saying – Never again. This isn’t like the “never forget” Americans say come September 11th. Forget isn’t a Hebrew word. Forget is not in the Jewish vernacular. Not forgetting something is easy. We Jews have one of the longest known histories of any people on this planet. It’s not because we have a short memory.

Instead the Jewish challenge is to never again, let such atrocities happen. Atrocities are not avoided with the pen. One cannot simply grab a pen, draw a circle around a problem, and expect to contain it. Rapes are not avoided with pleas of mercy. Holocaust are not avoided with diplomacy. Lest we forget, the Nazis were voted into power.

Like it or not. Agree with it or not. Whether it settles well in your political stomach or not, had Jews been armed, it’s possible the holocaust as we know it, would never have happened.

I was on the internet reading some stupid ass posts, and one Richard Hodge sarcastically wrote “Yes Genius. Jews with a few pistols could have easily defended themselves against an army that almost took over the world.”

To quote and paraphrase some of the more intelligent folks who replied, were these Jews who were rounded up and murdered better off without guns, or would they have been better off with them? The 9.5 million Jews living in Europe in 1933 would have constituted only a “few”? The Warsaw uprising is a good example of how armed citizens fought hard to defend themselves, but it was too few too late. Realistically speaking, a few million Jewish people with a few million pistols (and the ammunition to go with them) back in the mid-1930s might very well have changed history as we know it.

The world didn’t wake up one day to a fully militarized and entrenched Nazi Germany. The wave of a magic wand did not suddenly teleport millions of Jews to death camps. The holocaust happened one day at a time, one train at a time, one door knock at a time. Movements, even the Nazi movement, take time to build momentum. And enough armed people with the will to act, could have stopped it in its tracks, had they acted soon enough.

So although some might feel that the comparison is inappropriate, does not mean that the basis of the comparison is not solid.

Thank you, Dan Mcpherson, Andrew Haraldson, and Randy Leever for letting me bum your quotes.

Movies, Pop Culture, Review

2015 Movie Review Roundup

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I get free movie tickets so I see movies pretty often which is awesome. But I don’t have time to write reviews about each and every one of them unfortunately.

Well it’s been three weeks since I last wrote a blog and there were a couple really good, a couple really not-so-good movies from 2015 that I didn’t have a chance to address previously, so I’m gonna try to rattle of a couple of these.

2015 has definitely been a year of sequels. Three of the movies on this list are sequels, and one was a reboot of a decades old TV series. Unlike these years long series, I won’t drag out these reviews for too long. Nice n’ short.

Jurassic World

Guardians of the Galaxy was such a huge success and so well liked that Chris Pratt will play a parody of Star Lord for the rest of his acting career. Jurassic Park was pretty much Star Lord going on space sabbatical as a dinosaur trainer after having watched an Indiana Jones marathon.

So as far as the show’s lead goes, it was an awesome movie and truth be told as cool as the effects and the concept were, it would have blown without Pratt leading from the front.

For a sequel that came out 20 years later, I find it weird that the dinosaurs looked less real. I’m glad I saw it and I definitely enjoyed it, but it has nothing on Jurassic Park 1.

Mad Max: Fury Road

I’m not a big fan of movies that just drop you off in the middle of something without any context. Unfortunately this type of storytelling is more common. Shows like Quantico, Hunger Games.

Well Fury Road is guilty of this story telling crime. But, the action was pretty cool and they did it with minimal CGI which is always appreciated. Tom hardy played Bane for the first hour as he had a metal muzzle stuck to his face. And just like in Dark Knight Rises, Hardy’s character was also incomprehensible the entire movie as well.

The movie was plenty entertaining. But honestly, the only thing I remember is…

So shiny… so chrome…

Age of Ultron

I was looking forward to this movie the date after Avengers 1 came out. Who wasn’t? Avengers was the shit and Avengers 2 could only be twice as awesome, right?

I’ll be stoned for this fuck screw it. Age of Ultron sucked. Sucked hard. For the millionth time Tony Stark made an invention that threatened the security of the world. In Iron Man it was his weapons, and in Captain America it was the advanced helicarrier, and in Avengers two it was Skynet- er I mean Ultron.

Oh, and what was Ultron’s objective? Kill all the humans but Quicksilver and his sister weren’t part of his extermination quest?

And what’s with Vision and how did he come about? So Ultron was going all Pinocchio and tried to be a real boy by making a slightly less robotic looking red skinned version of himself, which was also part Jarvis, and powered by an infiniti stone or something? Oh and it was brought to life by Thor going Donkey Kong on it with his hammer? Huh? So what?

There was too much shit going on and the movie frankly sucked. It’s sad when a trailer is better than the movie.

Age of Adaline

AWESOME movie. Not even a rom com, this movie is a straight romance movie but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Basically this chic doesn’t age and she falls in love with this guy and turns out that like 40 years prior she had fallen in love with his father, yada yada.

But the entire movie culminates during a 10 minutes portion of the movie starring Harrison Ford. Stop it Harrison Ford, you’re making me cry!

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

I really wish I had reviewed this one in full when I first saw it. It was a super good movie and it deserves all the praise it can get but it suffered from a small budget. Cahill and Hammer did a fantastic job fleshing out their two characters as a U.S. and Soviet Spy, respectively.

Superman is such a boring character so it was great to see Cahill get aa shot at a role with some personality. His character is a fusion of James Bond, Archer, and Neil Caffrey, and it worked flawlessly. Hammer plays a great, emotionless KGB robot. The movie was smart, action packed, well written, well casted, and it was freaking hilarious to boot! Rounding out almost any movie (except a drama) with comedy always gets an extra point in my book.

Blackmass

After 10 years of playing pale skinned weirdos, Johnny Depp finally got to play an original character. Given he plays a person who is actually real, the role was a different change of pace for Depp. The movie was violent and gritty and had sprinkles of comedy in it. It’s nothing spectacular but it’s a solid watch and one that I’ll probably buy and watch many times over. It earned a place in my DVD collection alongside Departed and The Town.

Sicario

And the most recent movie I’ve seen is Sicario. It had some big name actors, Benicio Del Toro, Josh Brolin, Emily Blunt, Jon Bernthal, and several others.

This was a true nail biter. You haven’t seen a movie this nerve wracking in years.

Everyone does an amazing job at acting. Del Toro is top notch. Blunt also did an amazing job, unfortunately her character is annoying as hell. Hopefully she doesn’t make it into the sequel.

Brolin as always brings a solid performance.

And again, it’s a crime-dramaesque film that makes its way into the gritty hall of fame alongside Traffic, Street Kings, and Training Day.

So that being said, 2015 was an interesting year. The movies you thought would be great probably made a lot of money, but gave meh performances. The movies no one heard of even four months before they came out were amazing works of art that will be fan favorites for years to come.

Culture, Home and Living

Asparagus Pee

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The ultimate sneak attack. The unpleasant surprise. It was just a quick helping. A small serving. I barely even nibbled on the appetizer with the Johnson family last night. But you make your way home and eventually nature calls, as it always does. Then like an aromatic demon ninja, the odor hits you. Sharp and pungent like a throwing star straight to your nose. Your nostrils flare with disgust. Your skin between your eyes bunches. You protest but you are stuck on the porcelain throne for at least another minute. The asparagus pee strikes again and it has taken your innocence with you.

But seriously though. A certain someone who shall not be named sneaks asparagus in to freakin’ ev-ry-thiiiiiing. I’ll have completely forgotten that I even had asparagus that day and then sure enough you make your way to the head, let ‘er rip, and struggle for air.

But the worst is when you have it for dinner and don’t use the John until the next morning. Delirious and still half asleep at 6AM you make it rain, and then it hits you. That’s the worst because none of your senses were on and operational to begin with, and without warning your sense of smell is suddenly jolted as if by an 8.0 earthquake.

You asparagus! You screwed it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Business and Finance, Home and Living, Politics

The Truth about Federal Student Loans

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A million thank-yous to Chris Johnson for contributing this latest post to Canyoubelievethatguy.com. This is our second post from someone other than myself in the past two weeks and I am very excited and appreciative to have an additional author contributing to the site.

 His post touches on something that has been the subject of much debate recently – and that we’ll probably hear a lot about in the coming election cycle – and that is student loans, and whether or not college education and the tuition that comes with it is affordable for the average American. Chris was kind enough to get us past the fog and rhetoric, and give us some real hard facts about the issue.  Thanks Chris! -Andrew H.

Federal Student Loan Repayment Options

I was asked to say a few words on student loans. I want to start by saying that I think it is rather funny to me that after all this time in the student loan industry, the first person to ask me about this, the first person who actually reached out for information is, like me, someone who believes we already have enough tools to build a good life. Like me, he feels the game is already more than fair and that it simply requires effort, hard work and dedication. Of all the rants and complaints about free education, he is the first to ask me about this even though I have posted no less than 40 times, mentioned in conversation no less than 100 times that for most, education is already either free, or very affordable. And he asked me the first time I  mentioned it to him. To me, this says something about the people asking for more from their country vs those who ask more of themselves. Jim Rohn said it best, don’t ask for it to be easier. Ask that you become better.

With that said, I’ll jump right into it. The Federal Government has, already available several programs that allow federal student loans to become affordable. In most cases one can eliminate interest all together. I have been in finance for almost 13 years now. For the first 11 or 12 I was a Mortgage Banker. But for the last two, I have been a Compliance Officer for federal student loan programs. There are at least 7 programs available and they all serve a specific purpose depending on the borrower and where they are in life. But there are three programs that stand out. Three that literally offer anyone the ability to absolutely make their federal student loan debt affordable. The US Department of Education’s IBR (Income Based Repayment) option. Before I jump into the details,  I think it might be best to first touch on how student loans work, why they are so incredibly difficult to pay off and ultimately why they are such a problem in the US.

When you get a federal student loan, you are not taking out a mortgage. You are not qualifying for a car loan. You are taking out a heavy debt with a high interest rate you likely cannot refinance and one that will charge you interest daily. On top of that, it will compound daily. If you understand finance then you probably know at this point, most people are paying a negative amortization loan. This means that they are making payments on their loans and are not even covering the interest on a monthly basis. They are paying towards their loan(s) and the balance is actually going up.

What’s being done about this, nothing. Why? Because service providers of federal student loans have lobbyist in Washington that are second to none. The laws are not written to protect borrowers. They are written to make money. Same thing happened with mortgages and the US threw a fit. Regulation was again placed on the industry and and the entire industry was turned upside down.

 In the US, federal student loan debt exceeds car loans and credit card debt combined.

Who was to blame, the banks, the consumer? Personally I say both and I think the circumstances of each deal would have to be considered. But what scares me is that this industry is doing the very same thing and no one is even talking about it. No one seems to think its a big deal even knowing that in the US, federal student loan debt exceeds car loans and credit card debt combined. To make matters worse, a majority of this debt belongs to our young, our future. They are entering into the professional world behind the line. I will conclude this paragraph with probably the scariest and in many cases least known fact about federal student loan debt. You absolutely cannot get rid of them ever. With exception to these federal forgiveness programs and people that are 100% and permanently disabled (after the loans were acquired), these loans do not ever go away. In fact, they are on a short list of debts the government can actually garnish from disability and social security income. And make no mistake, they will. So if they are willing to take social security income from people living off of $800 to $1,500 per month, what do you think they would do to people in the work force?

So now we know federal student loans are very difficult to pay off. We know why student loans of $40,000 take 80 years to pay off while Americans in New York and Los Angeles pay off $600,000 to $800,000 mortgages in 15 and 30 years. And yes, we now know why a specific group of individuals are upset that college is too expensive. Well now we can jump back to the IBR programs offered by the US DOE. The William D. Ford Act was passed and authorizes the government to forgive federal debt. The IBR comes with it a very specific yet very short list of guidelines. Prove your income, tell them how many people you live with and they will determine what your payment should be. Do not worry about the interest. Do not worry about paying off the loan or loans.

First, they will consolidate your loans. Then, they will set you up with a term, 120 months (10 years), or up to 300 months (25 years) and or anywhere in between depending on the income and family size. They will take between 5% and 10% of your gross annual income as payment or less, again depending on family size. They evaluate this income annually. Every 12 months you must turn in one of three forms of POI (proof of income). Pay check stubs, tax returns from the previous year or bank statements in some cases. In some cases you may even be able to use tax returns from the year before last. If you are married and use returns (1040’s) they will base the payment off the borrowers AGI (Adjusted Gross Income). If you use pay stubs there is a chance you can separate the income, meaning the calculation for the borrowers payment will be based off one persons income rather than the combined income. If you already file separate returns, this too will allow the calculation to be based off one persons income. Even when separating the income, you may still use the full family size for the calculation. I understand this can become complicated and in many cases, people do screw this up. Service Providers like Naviant (previously Sallie Mae), Great Lakes and Nelnet should offer this service (and can), and for free. They don’t unless you are aware of them and ask. And if you ask me, trusting them to do it for you is like asking the prosecuting attorney to handle your defense while trying to prosecute you. Remember, they are paid off the interest.

There are also services available to assist in the evaluation and enrollment as well as management of these programs. If you seek this assistance out, under no circumstances, I repeat under NO circumstances should the consumer pay for these services until the entire process is completed. Not for any kind of application fee, not for any kind of processing fee. NOTHING, not a single dime until you are in and enrolled correctly. Even if they ask you to pay into some type escrow account, your talking to the wrong people. To add to this, these services are not a part of the program, and like the service providers borrows are already paying they do not work for, or are not a part of the federal government.

If you can manage this yourself, you should. If on the other hand you are the type of person who has a hard time with this sort of thing, or if you are not good at staying on top of things like this, I’d recommend the assistance. To receive the forgiveness or complete the program, the evaluation, like I said earlier must be completed annually, every 12 months until the term is up. Only then, when the term is up can you provide proof that the program has been completed. As a rule of thumb, I ask people this, do you do your own taxes? Or do you hire someone to do them for you? Use that same thought here. Another example I use for clients, if you get a speeding ticket, you would not hire an attorney to fight it. It simply wouldn’t be worth it. If on the other hand you hit and killed someone with your car (on accident of course) you would probably hire one. Well if you owe $5, $10 or maybe $15,k, that’s like a speeding ticket. $20, $50 or $100,k plus… Obviously I work for one of these companies. I assure you, they are quite compliant, it’s my job to make sure they are. If it is done correctly, if you are enrolled, maintain enrollment annually and keep up on the payment the government will forgive the remaining amount owed at the end of the term. You can still go into deferment or forbearance but you will not receive credit during this time towards the forgiveness. If you have an unstable income, or if you are not in a career type work environment, you may see income go up one year and down the next. No problem. The term will adjust accordingly. The best way to look at it, the higher the income, the higher the payment but the lower the term. The lower the income, the lower the payment but higher the term up to 25 years unless, you qualify for PSLF or PAYE.

PSLF is another program that falls under the IBR option. If you work in public service or non profit, the term is automatically 120 months or 10 years. This includes but is certainly not limited to: Police Officers, Teachers, Church employees, Soldiers and Nurses. Anyone paid by the state, the government or even local government like city and county employees. You pay an affordable payment, many times a payment of zero for 10 years and then your debt is forgiven. And this is not some kind of hand out, it is not a compromise. It’s simply an alternative to a standard amortization. Instead of paying off your loans, with a payment based on balance and interest, you make a payment based off income and family size and for a specific amount of time. The Government feels that they will get enough from you from the term set. They are willing to take whatever this amount comes to at the end of the agreed term. The difference here, with PSLF is that as long as you are employed by public service or non profit, you will be finished after 10 years regardless of how much you’ve paid towards your debt. Even if you’ve paid zero dollars. Another program, Pay As You Earn (PAYE) is similar, only the term is 240 month or 20 years. The PAYE program also starts at a lower percentage, meaning they only take up to 5% of the borrowers gross annual income. This program is for any employment type but the loans must have been acquired after late (end of November) 2007.

So in the end, anyone qualifies as long as the loan(s) are federal. There are private student loans as well and if you do not know what kind you have, you can ask your service provider. If you are familiar with FASFA or the DOE, you likely have federal student loans, not private. Or, if you want, my information is below. I’d be happy to assist anyone or refer them to an Account Manager that can. If you owe federal student loan debt, this is the best and most efficient way to repay them, period. The only exception, specific circumstances and loans. Parent Plus Loans are limited to one program and in some cases, the benefit is not all that great. Still worth looking into though. If you have consolidated and then defaulted, could be tough to get approved. Again, it cannot hurt to find out.

I will leave you with an example. A man lives with his wife, two children and his wife’s mother. So the family size is 5. His income is roughly $32,000 per year and is steady. I might add that with a family size of five, he could make upwards of another $5 to $7,k per year and his payment would be the same as it is now, $0 (zero dollars per month). He pays $0 per month, has been in the program 3 years and has thus far has paid absolutely nothing on his student loans. Based on his percentage increase in income every year, he will pay $0 for another 4 years. That is seven years with no payment. If he is lucky, and his income increases to what he expects, on his 8th year in the program he will qualify for a $10 per month payment. In the 10th year, his final year because he is a teacher, he will pay $40 per month. That means that he will pay $720 over a ten year period of time and on a $45,000 federal student loan. He entrusted us to manage this for him and the payment to us is $39.42 per month. Add that up over 10 years,  you get $4,730.40. So all together, he will pay $5,450.40 and he will not even have to think about interest. Not to mention, once he enrolled, his DTI (Debt to Income) ratio came down TO ZERO. His credit scores improved and his monthly affordability came up.

Compare this to what he was doing… $45,000 at 6.8%. He had just left deferment and had agreed to pay $450 per month. It would have taken him 12 years and 3 months to pay off and he would have paid $21,047.83 in interest alone. So he was on track to pay $66,047.83. Now, he will pay $5,450.40 and in less time. Show me a country that offers that, with the same amount of opportunity, same market and the same amount of citizens. Personally, I call that free education.

–Chris Johnson, VP, Compliance for Student Advocates,  September 2, 2015

Chris’s Information is included below:

Cell: 562-231-4120.
Office: 714-473-1800.
Email: cjohnson@r3group.org
Life, Society

Thank You, and Paying It Forward

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This will be a quick post as I have work this morning but it’s past due.

Last weekend I was taking my dog Major into the self-groomers at Petco Unleashed for some father son bonding time. I’ve been there about 3 times before with Major, and this was nothing special. Except that this time Major decided to leave a present in the trunk of my Xterra before we got there. Being as I didn’t get him as a puppy, I suspect he’s 9-10 years old now and even though he’s not quite yet incontinent, car trips sometimes leave us with a steamy mess of Major.

Last weekend was also blazing hot, about 96 in La Mesa, so when I arrived at the parking lot of Petco I had to clean up the mess as quickly as possible. Naturally Major had lost his footing during the ride and managed to get it everywhere. I had no one to hold the leash so I tied him to my rims while he rested under the Xterra for some shade while I cleaned up the mess. I was short on cleaning supplies, and was having a lot of difficulty.

Then backup arrived. A woman approached me in the parking lot, nice as ever, and saw I was having some difficulty. She had three kids with her to boot. It was a hot day, and I was a stranger, covered in filth, accompanied by a menacing looking dog. For convenience, for fear of being assaulted by a strange man, or bit by a huge dog, she could have continued on her way, but she approached anyways and asked if I could use any help.

We chit chatted for a minute or so. She understood my situation as she was a dog lover, and had just gone through the horrible experience of euthanizing two older dogs herself, earlier in the year. She hustled to her car, and without being asking she returned bearing gifts. She had a full roll of paper towels and a pack of baby/cleaning wipes. It wasn’t a steam cleaner but it was 100x better than what I was working with, and it spared me a lot of stress, embarrassment, and sweat as I sat there in the sizzling blacktop parking lot desperately trying to clean crap out of my car, with my poor dog trying to escape the heat by hiding under it.

It was incredibly helpful, and my day could have been a lot worse had it not been for that lady’s help. To the unknown mother of three who helped me and more importantly, helped my dog when we needed it, THANK YOU SO MUCH. You made my day. You made my week. And I will always remember and be grateful for what you did.

Paying it forward

Last night I had the opportunity to pay it forward, and maybe coincidentally, or maybe by fate, I happened to be with Major again when it happened.

I was taking Major on his evening walk, and there was a guy across the street crawled under his car, clearly working on something. He had his front tires jacked up, and whatever he was doing you can tell he looked a little flustered. The sun was setting and though the sky was still rosy pink and orange, it was dark out, and I could only imagine how dark it was under the car. I didn’t think too much of it, and went on my walk.

About 40 minutes later as our walk was winding down and I was going back home, I saw the guy was still out there, under his car. It had gotten much darker, and he was holding his cell phone in his mouth as a makeshift flashlight. His wife/girlfriend sitting on the curb next to him.

I took Major inside and grabbed this funky kick-stand flashlight thing. It seems gimmicky and like something I never thought would serve a purpose, but it earned it’s stripes last night. I walked out and approached the couple and asked if he could use any help, and handed him the flashlight. The man, already flustered, had a slight sigh of relief when he no longer had to wrestle with his wrench while balancing a flashlight. I crawled under the car with him to see what he was having difficulty with. Turns out all he needed was a 3/8 inch socket extender, which I have an army of. I ran back home and a minute later the guy was making some real progress on replacing his water pump. He said he could take it from there.

I woke up this morning and the flashlight and tool were sitting next to each other right by my front door, and the car was gone. Hope it all worked out brother.

Movies, Pop Culture, TV Shows

Actors Who Have Played Multiple Comic Book Characters

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Comic book movies are all the rage these days. They aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but there is no denying their commercial success in recent years, especially since the introduction of the MCU in 2008 with Iron Man.

The sheer number of comic book related movies (CBMS) in recent memory is daunting. Numerous franchises have already been rebooted since the current wave of CBMs, with studios not even giving them a decade to cool down.

With so many new CBMS and reboots, and graphic novels being converted to movies, it’s only a matter of time before we start seeing some recurring faces on the big screen. Many actors have dawned the spandex multiple times, even as different characters. Here’s a quick list of actors and actresses who have played multiple comic book characters on film and TV.

Brandon Routh

Roles:

  • Clark Kent / Superman (Superman Returns, 2006)
  • Ray Palmer / The Atom (Arrow, TV)

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

It seems like every actor from Kick-Ass has at one point been in another CMB. Aaron Taylor-Johnson started his comic book fame in the small cult-classic flick Kick-Ass (and it’s sequel) as a wannabe super hero. A couple years later he would emerge as a bona fide superhero with super-speed in the Marvel hit Avengers: Age of Ultron. With the Kick-Ass franchise over, and his MCU character killed off, his CBM future looks bleak.

Roles:

  • Dave Lizewski / Kick-Ass (Kick-Ass, Kick-Ass 2)
  • Pietro Maximoff / Quicksilver (Avengers: Age of Ultron)

Evan Peters

Interestingly, Evan Peters and fellow Kick-Ass co-star Aaron Taylor-Johnson both played different versions of Quicksilver in separate franchises. Quicksilver was killed off in Age of Ultron, but expect to see Evan Peters reprising his super speedy role again in 2016’s X-Men: Apocalypse.

Roles:

  • Todd / Ass Kicker (Kick-Ass, Kick-Ass 2)
  • Peter / Quicksilver (X-Men: Days of Future Past)

Nicholas Cage

Ghost Rider was a failure of a movie, but I feel like Cage got an ounce of redemption in Kick-Ass when he played the cop-framed-as-a-criminal turned crime-fighting-Batman-lookalike. You have to admit, this scene is bad ass.

Roles:

Rebecca Romjin

Another Punisher cast member, Rebecca Romjin, is perhaps better known by starring as X-Men franchise regular Mystique, the blue, shape shifting, femme fatale.

Bluuooobbbbs. -Honest Trailers

Roles:

Ray Stevenson

This is the first actor on our list to play three comic book roles.

stevenson

Roles:

  • Frank Castle / Punisher (Punisher: War Zone, 2008)
  • Volstagg (Thor, Thor: The Dark World)
  • Firefly (G.I. Joe: Retaliation, 2013)

 

Vinnie Jones

Despite being one of the lesser known, and less acclaimed actors on this list, Jones actually sported two very cool comic book roles. The first was the unstoppable Juggernaut in X-Men 3, where he actually had some decent fight scenes against the likes of Wolverine and the X-Men. Almost a decade later he finally returned to the realm of comic books and starred as another villain opposite Green Arrow on the small screen as criminal overlord Danny Brickwell. Again, Vinnie Jones delivers a level of physicality to his role, which comes from his background as a professional footballer.

vinnie-jones

Roles:

  • Cain Marko / Juggernaut (X-Men: The Last Stand, 2006)
  • Danny Brickwell (Arrow, TV)

Ron Perlman

You may know Ron Perlman was Hellboy, but you may have forgotten he starred opposite Wesley Snipes in Blade II as Reinhardt.

Even more impressive is how many comic book characters he’s voiced over the years. Perlman has a rough, unmistakable voice that makes him well suited to voice a wide range or characters, especially villains. Other smaller acting and voicing roles and projects include Jax-Ur (Superman, TV), Clayface and Orion (Justice League, TV), Static Shock (TV), Emil Blonsky / Abomination (The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, Game), Slade Wilson /Deathstroke (Teen Titans, TV), Killer Croc and Bane (The Batman, TV), Sinestro (Green Lantern: The Animated Series, TV). He’s even voiced Batman in a Justice League video game.

perlman

Roles:

  • Reinhardt (Blade II, 2002)
  • Hellboy (Hellboy, Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

Ryan Reynolds

Like Stevenson, he’s the only other actor in this list to play three comic book characters, but they were all very important characters in their respective stories. He’s snagged some great roles, unfortunately under the leadership of some shitty directors. He might also be one of only a handful of actors to ever play the same character twice, under two different continuities.

In my opinion, Reynolds is the first heavy hitter on this list. Cage and Perlman certainly had their time in the sun, but Reynolds has had some memorable roles in the last decade or so, and he’s popular. He’s also had some total flops. Green lantern bombed at the box office, and is the shame of the CBM crowd. I will still always remember Reynolds as Van Wilder, and Monty from Waiting.

Luckily, his cinematic future is bright. Reynolds career will kick into 6th gear when he stars as Wade Wilson / Deadpool in 2016.

Roles:

  • Hannibal King (Blade: Trinity, 2004)
  • Wade Wilson (X-Men Origins: Wolverine, 2009)
  • Hal Jordan / Green Lantern (Green Lantern, 2011)
  • Wade Wilson / Deadpool [different continuity] (Deadpool, 2016)

Chris Evans

Now we’re really moving into the big leagues. Evan’s first CMB role as Johnny Storm was good, not great, but put his foot in the door for the comic genre. Thought Fantastic Four was a memorable movie that has since been relaunched, it won’t be the movie Chris Evans is known for decades from now. His role as Captain America however, is already at legendary status alongside Robert Downey Jr’s Iron Man.

His role as the Human Torch couldn’t be more different than his current role as Captain America. Johnny Storm was a young, arrogant, loud mouth, womanizer, and Steve Rogers is an old, humble, and reserved, and possible a 95 year old virgin.

Roles:

Ben Affleck

Rounding out the list is Ben Affleck who has starred as two very important characters from DC and Marvel.

Many claim that paying Daredevil was basically a warm up to play Batman. The two characters actually have a lot in common, both in regards to their character and their origins. While Bruce Wayne dresses like a bat, Daredevil is blind as a bat. Both patrol their cities, almost exclusively at night, and cover their face to protect their secret identities. Both characters are considered to be among the best male martial artists in their respective universes.

Frank Miller played a pivotal role in both of these characters current success. In 1986 Frank Miller injected a new level of blood, grit, and darkness into the Daredevil comic book series, Daredevil: Born Again. Miller took this same story telling recipe and used it to rejuvenate the Batman comic book series, which up until the late 80’s had always been campy and goofy. Frank Miller’s reboots of both characters in the late 80’s is now considered to be the definitive story in each series.

Another interesting factoid, is Affleck will be playing Batman in not just one, but TWO movies in 2016, which might be a first.

Roles

Culture, Haterade Series, Movies, Pop Culture

Why Current YA Movies Suck

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Oh yeah, I’m going there.

It is time to stir the pot. I’ve been doing reviews about specific movies, and the occasional TV show, and I’m usually pretty polite. What’s the saying again? If you ain’t got nothin’ nice to say then don’t say nothin’? As Eminem put it, fuck that shit.

This is going to be my first of many blog entries in my new Haterade Series. Look for the Haterade tag in future posts.

YA is short for young adult. Not teen, not tween, but young adult. Which at this point is pretty much a blanket term for teens and tweens… and people with poor taste in movies. Can you believe someone actually thought “young adult” – a whooping 11 characters – was so long that it needed to be turned it into an acronym? That’s lazier than condensing “do you know what I mean?” into “na’mean?”

But seriously, these YA movie suck. Balls. Big balls. Here we go.

Dystopian Futures that Make No Sense

Not no sense in the fact that they are fantastical, like Avengers or Harry Potter. No sense in how could such communities ever come to exist at all? Harry Potter, despite its magic actually seems plausible. We’re magical, we need a place to stay since humans are assholes, so let’s make a VIP magical land and oh, let’s put a boarding school there to teach kids about magic. Even Twilight for all of its Kristen Stewart shortcomings had a decent premise, just a horrible story… act acting… and staring.

Divergent Plot

But take a look at Divergent. Teens are categorized into factions based on personality traits, except for that one little caveat, oh yeah… they are ultimately allowed to choose which faction they join. So now it’s optionally compulsory? Who designed this system, the Obamacare team?

Despite the fact that you can be suited for one faction, but choose another, if you actually exhibit traits of multiple factions, they kill you. Oh, and if you don’t exhibit any traits of the five factions, you become a hobo and starve to death in the streets. They really got this perfect totalitarian utopia thing locked down tight, don’t they?

I mean seriously, I’m a libertarian and communism makes more sense than this system. I can see Stalin sitting down, mustache n’ all, and pitching communism. “Comrades, dees is our plan. Everyone gets equal pay. Agreed?” But I would love to sit in on the sales pitch for Divergatopia.

“So guys, check this shit out, we’re gonna like…. split everyone into like… five groups, one for every finger. Oh, and like, all the losers go farm and hand out blankets n’ stuff. And then like all the nerds go read sciency stuff. And like, maybe someone should make laws or something? Oh, and the rest of us will just run around and do parkour and jump off buildings. EXTREMMMMEEEEE!!!!”

Or as Leo Sun put it,

“In Divergent, dystopia is simply replaced by a bloodier version of high school drama.”

It’s basically the less racist version of public school where different cliques of kids are easily identifiable. Or was that just my high school?

Maze Runner Plot

I think the Honest Trailer sums it up about right. So a meteor crashes into Earth and turns people into zombies and the world becomes a desert, and in order to save humanity from the desert zombie apocalypse, evil adults maroon a bunch of teenage boys in what I can only imagine is a 300 foot tall booby-trapped maze the size of Australia, with a bunch of man-eating monster robot spiders that then kill the teenage boys. They built alllll this, instead of, ya know… trying to like find a cure for zombism, or maybe investing in drip irrigation?

Oh, and then they drop one girl in a group of like 20 horny guys to get gang raped. Sounds legit.

Hunger Games Plot

Okay, they can literally make fire, and weather, and trees, and killer animals out of thin air. And they can’t make food? And then Katniss goes to war with a recurve bow? Not even a fucking compound bow? And what’s up with the people in the Capitol dressing up like Johnny Depp knock offs?

idiots
Who wore it better????

Stupid Vernacular

You know what I’m talking about.

So in Divergent, the factions are called what now? Dauntless, Amity, Erudite, Candor… Abne-what now? Abnegation? 4 ½ words you never used or even heard of before this movie.

Where’d the author find these words? The deleted scenes of Mary Poppins? Supercandorfragilisticexpiabnegation! Come on, erudite sounds like a gem you’ll hear about on the jewelry channel at 3 a.m.

jewelry channel
And Becky here we have an astonishing 13 carat Erudite necklace adorned with matching blood diamonds.

Oh and Maze Runner. I’ll just rattle ‘em off:

  • griever,
  • glader,
  • med-jacks,
  • shank,
  • klunk,
  • schuck,
  • slim it,
  • slinthead,
  • good that,
  • jacked,
  • and like 10 more.

You’d think I bashed my head against the key board and made this up, but no joke. Look this up. It’s called glader slang.

Stupid Weapons and Gear

I can get reinventing systems of government or society. But if you’re going to have guns and body armor, why go through the trouble of reinventing the wheel?

You gotta love the Hunger Games sperm suits, complete with rib cage chest armor ribbed for her pleasure. This is almost as bad as putting nipples on the Batsuit.

bat-nipples

Remember that movie Host by the Twilight author, where aliens took over earth by inhabiting human’s bodies, and the aliens also randomly decided to hire Xzibit to paint all the cars silver?

Yo dawg! I heard you like silver helicopters while taking over the world!
Yo dawg! I heard you like silver helicopters while taking over the world!

And what’s up with Katniss going to war with a bow and arrow? She can carry about 30 arrows total, and that’s it. It’s not like anyone else is using them so once she’s out, she’s out for good. Bows and arrows are all fun n’ games… til’ someone Chris Kyle’s your ass from 1,900 yards away.

And then of course these YA movies always have to reinvent weapons, because we don’t have enough existing weapons to choose from apparently. Check out these guns from Divergent? It literally looks like someone superglued a super soaker to a pogo stick and spray painted it silver. What, the future doesn’t have Glocks and AR15s? Are those LEDs?

divergent-guns
Don’t make me shoot you with this flashlight!

God, I can’t wait for the next season of Game of Thrones.

Alright, I’m done for now, but I’ll be back with another episode of Haterade here shortly. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

Movies, Review

No Escape: Movie Review

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So I’m a little rusty on my movie reviewing, so bear with me. I think I saw a trailer for this movie a couple months ago, not really sure. Anywho I went and saw an early showing of No Escape last night up in Mira Mesa, and had no idea what to expect, which is a good thing.

Here’s the spoiler-free run down of the movie: Owen Wilson is an American family man who relocates his wife and two daughters to an unnamed Southeast Asian country (we know because it borders Vietnam) for a new job after his previous employer went belly up. Times are tough, tough enough to move to a third world nation in pursuit of a job.

Their flight lands, and we enter the culture shock sequence for the family as they don’t speak the language, and the nicest hotel in town doesn’t have working television, internet, or phones, and all the other first world luxuries we take for granted. But, the family meets a boisterous, western expat, Pierce Brosnan, who helps point them in the right direction. Yay, a fellow white person! This place isn’t too scary anymore. No, but seriously, right?

The foreplay is short. Maybe 12 minutes into the movie shit hits the fan. As Owen Wilson is roaming the area trying to find a newspaper, he inadvertently ends up in the middle of a violent confrontation between riot police and an angry mob armed with machetes, bats, and AKs. Think Hotel Rwanda, but in Asia, and way fucking scarier.

Wilson darts and dashes his way through the city trying to find his way back to his hotel and family, while also avoiding the mobs. He reunites with his family, and parental instincts kick in as mom and dad struggle to safely navigate their way through the perilous city, with kids in tow.

What to know what happens next? Go see for yourself.

No Escape will have you on the edge of your seat and cringing from start to finish. The movie was definitely action packed but not in the typical Liam-Neeson-throat-smashing way we’ve grown used to in the past couple years. Remember, our protagonist isn’t Jason Bourne, he’s a family man, and on top of that he’s got his wife and two little girls with him, and they have no idea where the hell they are. So there is no bare chested ammo bandolier action hero. Just a dude doing the best he can to keep his family alive when all hell breaks loose in a foreign land.

The closest movie I can think of in terms of setting and that feeling of anxiety this movie brings, is The Purge: Anarchy, which came out almost a year ago, except No Escape has a much more realistic plot. Everyone in the Purge had 364 days to batten down the hatches and arm themselves to the teeth in preparation. This family isn’t even sure where to get their free continental breakfast and then bam, political uprising.

I don’t want to give away too much as far as the story goes, so I’ll leave it at that. The movie is very good. I was very surprised.

When watching movies like this, I always find myself thinking “I would do this, I would do that!” But then again I also watch a ton of zombie movies and like a weirdo I have actually invested a fair amount of thought into how I would survive an oh-shit situation. Most people don’t, including our main characters, which made this movie, and everyone’s acting very believable.

We haven’t seen Owen Wilson in too many movies lately so who knew what to expect here. We do know that we loved him in Wedding Crashers and a bunch of other comedies so this was a little off course for him, but let’s not forget he also knocked Behind Enemy Lines out of the park way back in 2001, which was also about an American dude running for his life from foreigners who want to kill him. Wilson did an amazing job wearing a lot of hats; husband, father, survivor, and if need be, killer.

Lake Bell, who plays the wife/mom, also does an amazing job in her role. She was reluctant to move overseas in the first place, and you can feel a little bit of that tension between mommy and daddy from the onset of the movie without rubbing your nose in it. Even in the midst of chaos the parents can still have tiffs, for better or worse.

Even the little girls did an amazing job, portraying believable pains in the ass. You just wanted to yell “I’m trying to save your life now for the love of Christ shut up and don’t make any noise or they’ll find us and kill us!”

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan was there too. He really didn’t have a huge role, but I enjoyed his 10 minutes of screen time and social commentary.

It’s difficult to summarize this movie because it’s not that kind of a movie, where it’s told like an epic story, with compartmentalized events. So here’s my conclusive list of bullet points on the film:

  • Owen Wilson killed it.
  • Actually, all the actors did an amazing job, and made it feel so real and believable.
  • The story is interesting and realistic, and it doesn’t stumble.
  • There is no central villain, or a bad guy with an eye patch. The antagonist is human nature.
  • You’re on edge the entire time. The movie steals your attention and won’t let it go. Not even for a second. Trust me, you won’t zone out in the second act.
  • You’ll have plenty to talk about in the drive home after the movies.
  • It was an unexpected, pleasant rush of adrenaline at the tail end of an already action packed summer movie season.
  • The story was different, and something you aren’t used to seeing.
  • There was a thin veneer of social commentary about (illegal) immigration, corporatism, and western interventionism, but it wasn’t dragged out, and it didn’t overshadow the fact that the characters are literally being chased by people who want to kill them.
  • The movie was actually too short.

All said and done, No Escape was a very good movie, and I highly recommend you go out and see it. I give it an A-, and that’s only because I thought the movie was too short, and I could have gone for a few more rounds, maybe 20-30 minutes more longer would have been nice.

Go see this movie!

Culture, Life, Movies, Review

Trainwreck: Movie Review

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It’s about fucking time! Trainwreck is the raunchy, inappropriate, horrible, tasteless, repulsive, guilty-pleasure, gut-busting comedy I have been waiting all my life for.

I’ve written quite a few movie reviews recently about all types of movies; action, horror, comedy, drama, satire, crime thriller, sci-fi, and cult classic. Sometimes you get movies you thought would be great, but greatly disappointed *cough* Ultron *cough*. But other times you get movies you thought would be a train wreck, and instead you get Trainwreck. Despite the title, this movie is anything but.

No duh, I thought the movie would be funny. A comedy movie starring Amy Schumer and Bill Hader, how could it not be funny? But I didn’t expect it to be the funniest movie I have seen in years. I dare to say it’s the funniest movie of the decade, maybe this century.

The combination of Judd Apatow directing and Amy Schumer writing as well as starring in the movie is amazing. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time! The entire movie is over the top funny from the get-go, but somehow never crosses that line into campy territory. Trainwreck walks that fine line of as funny as you can possibly get without being stupid.

The entire cast pulls their weight in this movie and I was blown away by the sheer number of cameos and guest appearances.

It goes without saying that Amy Schumer was amazing. If you like her comedy skits and her television show then you’ll go crazy over Trainwreck, which is Amy Schumer x 10, her magnum opus. Amy Schumer essentially plays a parody of her cinematic self, named Amy, naturally. As a young kid her father (perfectly played by Colin Quinn) warned her and her sister about the dangers of monogamy after a failed marriage with his wife/Amy’s mother. The young Amy took her father’s advice to heart and heeded his warnings well into adulthood, purposefully avoiding lasting relationships. Her shameless romp through New York comes to a screeching halt when she falls in love with Aaron (Bill Hader), a nice guy doctor who is the centerpiece for her latest work assignment at a sleazy tabloid company. The story follows Amy as she struggles to find a meaningful relationship while still heeding her father’s warning.

Most movies feel like the Breakfast Club, where you have the jock, the princess, the nerd, the bad boy, the outcast, etc. What I appreciate about Judd Apatow is his ability to craft a well-rounded ensemble of characters without resorting to caricature archetypes.

Bill Hader brings a solid performance. Hader looks like a normal guy and maybe he is, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still be funny, charming, smart, sincere, emotionally intelligent, and occasionally score a shot on LeBron James. The onscreen chemistry between Hader and Shumer is awesome, and it feels fun and natural to see them spar and dance on screen.

When I said there were a lot of cameos, I meant it. The movie features Colin Quinn, LeBron James, John Cena, Dave Attell, Tilda Swinton (who looks nothing like Tilda Swinton), Randall Park, Daniel Radcliffe, Marisa Tomei, Method Man, Tim Meadows, Matthew Broderick, Marv Albert, and Chris Evert. And every single of one of them killed it!

Colin Quinn plays an aging, philandering, swearing, drunk Irishman marvelously.

LeBron James might not be Oscar material but despite playing himself he’s still 10x the actor Kristin Stewart will ever be, and had some of the funniest lines in the entire movie and somehow managed them without so much as a smirk.

(Call me an asshole but) This is the first time I’ve seen a movie where I would say Tilda Swinton looked bangin’ hot. She too fabulously plays her role as a bitchy New York columnist.

John Cena, John Cena. Where do I even begin with John Cena… Mad props to Cena for taking on this role as he’ll be the butt of his friend’s jokes for years to come. If you’ve ever seen the movie, think Eminem in the opening scene of The Interview.

They couldn’t have picked a better title for the movie. Trainwreck describes the movie and Amy perfectly, as her life careens out of control from one disaster of a relationship to the next. And just like a train wreck, the movie is horrible but you just can’t help but look on. The movie really is horrible. By that I mean that the acting is great, the directing is great, the story is great, but the humor is devious and I’m probably going to hell for enjoying it.

The movie is so hilariously offensive to everyone, but so innocently portrayed that you can’t help but love it, like Cartman. Men, women, straights and gays, kids and the elderly, blacks, whites, Puerto Ricans, Asians, effeminate men, millionaires and street beggars, no one was spared and no mercy was given. The movie was a parade of profanity, stereotypes, and other things mere mortals dare not whisper in public, like Voldemort. Trainwreck is everything that’s wrong in the world but throughout the entire movie I was busting up laughing begging for more, MORE!!!! You do get more, plenty of it. In fact it’s also super long for a comedy, stretching just over two hours. I usually relegate comedies to movies I only watch when they are at Redbox or rerunning on TV, but this movie is the exception. This movie is officially on my list of guilty pleasures, but as Billy Joel once said, “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.”

Despite the outlandishness of it all, the movie comes together amazingly well. The weight of real life doesn’t get lost in the story, and the characters all deal with very real problems that the audience can relate to. In true Apatow fashion the movie delves into the inner sanctum of modern life such as arguments with your loved one over trivial things that won’t matter in a couple hours, kids, step kids, marriage, death, pregnancy, family, parenting, careers, friendship, and occasionally snorting lines of adderall off peoples foreheads.

I want – nay – I must see Trainwreck again. It was just that good! In fact, I might even buy it when it comes out on DVD. Mom and dad if you’re reading this, Christmas is just around the corner. Can you say stocking stuffer?

I give it a solid 9/10.

Mission Valley AMC Theater, Tuesday Matinee, just $6.49 per adult!
Mission Valley AMC Theater, Tuesday Matinee, just $6.49 per adult!
Movies, Review

Southpaw: Movie Review

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Two movie reviews in a week? Say whaaaattt?

I just got home from seeing an early showing for Southpaw, written by Kurt Sutter and starring Jake Gyllenhaal, and I am thoroughly impressed.

I’ll put it out there that I have pretty much disliked every movie with Jake Gyllenhaal I have ever seen. Bubble Boy, The Day After Tomorrow, Brokeback Mountain, Brothers, pass, pass, pass, pass. He always seemed like a really good actor I just couldn’t stand any of his roles, I couldn’t relate to or root for any of his characters in the slightest. But I feel like Gyllenhaal was made for this movie. He plays the role amazingly.

Basically, it’s a rags to riches story after the riches. Billy Hope (Gyllenhaal) and his wife were orphans raised in the system without a dime to their name, they meet, fall in love, get married, and have a kid. He becomes a champion boxer, provides an amazing life for his family. Sounds good, the end. And it would have been except for a series of crappy events that befalls him and his family.

Instead of rags to riches, this is actually a story of redemption. I often hear about fighting, that what matters most is getting back up on your feet when you’ve been knocked down. Billy Hope doesn’t just get knocked down in the ring, but he gets utterly knocked down in life, and has to learn how to piece it back together and fight his way back, physically, emotionally, and figuratively.

Kurt Sutter’s penchant for gritty dramas really translates well from the TV set to the big screen. I’m not sure how much experience he has away from television series like Sons of Anarchy and The Shield, but he did a phenomenal job writing the story for Southpaw. In true Sutter fashion, Kurt took your favorite characters life and turned it on its head, though Sutter is not quite as merciless with main characters as say, George R.R. Martin.

Director Antoine Fuqua is no stranger to action and drama, making such movies as Training Day, Shooter, and The Equalizer. He did an amazing job squeezing every inch of talent of his cast. Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachael McAdams, and Forest Whitaker are all seasoned actors so the bar was pretty high, and they soared right past it. Even Curtis Jackson (50 Cent) who only moonlights as an actor carried his weight on screen.

The story is pretty straight forward and we’ve seen it dressed up differently with other movies like The Fighter, Warrior, and Rocky, so there’s really no surprise or award for originality, but Southpaw is still a very enjoyable movie and worth seeing. It’s probably the biggest fight movie we’ll see for a while until the Rocky spinoff movie Creed hits theaters later in 2015, so if you’ve got the itch to see guys kick the crap out of each other, go catch Southpaw.

Overall, I give Southpaw an 7/10, and a 9/10 for nail biting experience.

Southpaw Promo
Me sparring with the Southpaw promo, about to get my ass kicked.