Category Archives: Religion

Avenge Brussels

Earlier, President Obama said this about the Brussels terrorist attack…

“But as I said just a few months ago, and I said a few months before that, and I said each time we see one of these Islamic terrorist attacks, our thoughts and prayers are not enough. It’s not enough. It does not capture the heartache and grief and anger that we should feel. And it does nothing to prevent this carnage from being inflicted someplace else in the world — next week, or a couple of months from now.

We don’t yet know why this individual did what he did. And it’s fair to say that anybody who does this has a sickness in their minds, regardless of what they think their motivations may be.

Earlier this year, I answered a question in an interview by saying, “The world is and advanced place but we do not have sufficient common-sense anti terrorism measures — even in the face of repeated mass killings.” And later that day, there was a terrorist attack somewhere in the world. That day! Somehow this has become routine. The reporting is routine. My response here at this podium ends up being routine. The conversation in the aftermath of it. We’ve become numb to this.”

Oh, no wait, sorry.

I took a speech he gave about the supposed epidemic of mass shootings back on Oct 1, 2015 and replaced ‘mass shooting’ with ‘terrorist attack’.

Seriously though, this sucks. But Obama was right about shootings and our apathy, and it is true for these attacks today. I’m praying, but prayers are not enough. I’m saddened, but sorrow is not enough. I am angry, but anger is not enough.

Action is required. Not half measures. Let’s not ‘bring anyone to justice’. Let’s find and kill some mother fuckers.

Let’s not bring anyone to justice. Let’s find and kill some mother fuckers.

This is not a war that will be won by keeping our hands clean. These are not people who respond to diplomacy, or reason. You cannot, should not, negotiation with them. If you give them an inch, they will take a mile. Look what happened with Iran regarding the sanctions, the ICBMs, and their recent tests in violations of those sanctions and agreements.

These people only know and understand fear, and today we must bring fear. We must teach these aggressors that if they kill one of ours, we will kill 100 of theirs. I honestly mean that. This isn’t me using rhetoric, or standing on ceremony. And it also isn’t war mongering. Americans have no more stomach for war.  As quickly as we called for heads on stakes after 9/11, we grew weary of our engagements in the Middle East. Most Americans do not want to risk another war. It’s too expensive they say. It’ll create enemies they say. It is not worth the risk… they say. However, to quote Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, “war is upon you whether you would risk it or not”.

War is upon you whether you would risk it or not

The West has a problem with gradations and scales… we either don’t believe in them or we think they are linear. Black or White. Right or Wrong. Good or Bad. Heaven and Hell. Democrat or Republican. The belief in mutually exclusive polar opposites. The belief that you cannot do something bad for the sake of good. And this leads to the misconception that war is the opposite of peace. Peace can only exist if it is mutually agreed upon. War on the other hand can be thrust upon the peaceful. The difference between war and slaughter, is whether both sides are fighting.

We will not stop Islamic terrorism by being peaceful. We will not stop these attacks by caving to their every demand. The West’s involvement in the Middle East is not to blame for these attacks. Cartoonist’s drawings are not to blame for these attacks. Movies depicting Mohammad are not to blame for these attacks.

Across the globe we don’t just see Americans being attacked. We don’t just see Westerners or Europeans being attacked. We see Islamic terrorism in Europe yes, but also in the Middle East, in Asian, in Oceania, in Africa. We see Muslims attacking Christians. Muslims attacking Jews in Israel.  We see Muslims attacking Hindus in India and Pakistan. We see Muslims attacking Muslims damn near everywhere. And did all these groups, all these nations invade the Middle East? The the Philippines invade Iraq? Did Malaysia invade Afghanistan? Are Atheists being accused of creating an ‘apartheid’ state?

We need to stop asking “why did the attackers do this?”

We are no more to blame for being attacked, than rape victims are to be blamed for being raped. This is not something we did to ourselves. This is something being forced upon us.  We need to stop asking “why did the attackers do this?” It is counterproductive and insulting to ask why something happened, when the answer makes no difference, when there is no justification. Would you care to ask “Well why did this guy molest this child?” ? Would it matter? Would ANY answer to that question make you go “Ohhhhhh, well in that case.”  Of course not. It matters not why lunatics and sickos do what they do. It matters not why people attack us. It matters not what drives people to commit terrorist attacks.

Peace has failed.

Diplomacy has failed. Negotiations have failed. Sanctions have failed. Training and arming militias have failed (and backfired). Empathy has failed. Concessions have failed. Peace has failed.  We must bring the fight to the enemy. We must label the enemy. We must put the fear of God into the enemy. This is strategy. This is winning. This is about keeping your boot on the back of the neck of the person trying to kill you. If you ease up even a little, if you back off for even a second, they will get up and resume trying to kill you.

We must do everything we can to demoralize them, to scare them shitless. We must use their fears and religion and superstitions against them. We must make it known that an attack against us has a cost far greater than they are willing to pay.

Christmas in July

Here we are, almost half way through December and speeding towards Christmas. As I get older, it seems as though the holiday season gets faster and faster, and glides by so quickly that I hardly have a chance to notice it, much less enjoy it. It feels like Christmas 2014 was just a few weeks ago. And yet here I am perched at my kitchen table on December 13th at 10:25PM, writing a blog post I thought about writing back in November, and that I started and never completed writing on December 9th. Time really does fly by.

When I was a kid I used to love Christmas. That’s not to say I don’t any longer. I absolutely do. Christmas is the only holiday I like more than Halloween, especially now that I’m creeping away from my college years. But when you are a kid, you really really love Christmas. Everything about it is so magical. Everyone decorates their home and the neighborhood is lit up with Christmas lights and decorations. We bring beautiful, fresh cut, woods scented trees into our homes. An come that magical morning everyone meanders their way to the tree, surrounds by amazingly adorned boxes and ribbons. We sit around a lit fire place , drinking coffee and cocoa and spiced cider and eggnog. We sing carols. We listen to the same old Christmas songs. My favorite was always the Little Drummer Boy. In fact, listen to this beautiful rendition of it while you read this blog post, because I was listening to it while I wrote it.

When you’re a kid, Christmas truly feels like it lasts forever. And that’s because, relatively speaking, it sorta does.  When you’re 5 years old, one more year is literally an extra 20% of your total life. When you’re 29? 40? 50? One year, relative to the time you’ve lived, feels like a commercial break.

As a child I remember seeing Christmas decorations in stores earlier than normal, and thinking nothing of it. When I got older, I started really noticing. I used to think it was weird to see it before Thanksgiving, and just this year I recall seeing it as early as pre-Halloween.

I’ve always heard people gripe about how Christmas stuff comes out on shelves earlier and earlier each year. This year my first thought was to do the same thing, and gripe. But wait. Just wait…. Maybe, just maybe, this is a good thing. As a kid the holidays seem to last forever and that’s partially because we have no responsibilities. We don’t have bills or jobs, or obligations. We’re out of school for a month with nothing to do but play and have fun and soak in the holiday spirit.

We’re usually so busy making Christmas, we often forget to slow down and take the time to enjoy Christmas.

But as an adult, I do have responsibilities. A ton of them. And a demanding job, and taxes, my fair share of bills, and dozens of obligations. On top of that, we’re (adults) the ones planning events, driving, decorating, buying gifts, and coordinating these massive family events that youngins can enjoy. As adults, we’re tasked with bringing the magic, so that kids can enjoy it. There is no winter break for adults. We’re usually so busy making Christmas, we often forget to slow down and take the time to enjoy Christmas.

Christmas-de-stress

I am now making a deliberate effort to hit the breaks and enjoy the season. And I slowly start to realize that maybe Christmas in November, Christmas in October is a good thing because it gives us all more of an opportunity to let the holiday spirit truly sink in. In this day and age of political correctness and faith shaming, I am happy to still see Christmas large and alive this time of the year, even if in it’s corporatized, secularized manifestation. A little bit of Christmas, a plastic Christmas, is still better than no Christmas at all.  Maybe what this world needs is a little more Christmas. As I get older, and time flies faster, I welcome Christmas in July.

Maybe what this world needs is a little more Christmas. As I get older, and time flies faster, I welcome Christmas in July.

I want to thank everyone for reading this far. I want to thank all those friends and family members and absolute strangers who read my blog posts regularly, follow me, share my posts, and encourage me to keep writing.

Thank you God, for the opportunity you have given all of us, myself included.

Merry Christmas everyone. I love you all.

Jews Agree with Ben Carson

I was pretty confused when I learned that the media was making a big deal about a comment Dr. Ben Carson made recently about how the plight of the Jews would be have been more favorable, and that the Holocaust could have possibly been diminished had Jews had firearms in the 1930’s and 40’s. A lot of people are treating this as Ben Carson’s big gaffe, like it’s some foot-in-mouth comment akin to Joe Biden telling women to “just get a shotgun”.

What’s more surprising, is that people find his comment surprising. Let me explain.

I’m Jew…ish. My mom’s a Jew. I occasionally went to temple growing up. I do own a couple yamakas that I save for the occasional Passover or Yom Kippur dinner. I was raised with Jews growing up.

But then I also spent a month in Israel as part of a religious trip shortly after graduating college. While I was there I also spoke with dozens of rabbis, and rabbinic scholars. I spoke with pizza maker Jews, taxi cab driver Jews, bartender Jews, mom Jews and dad Jews. I even went to the official Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem.

Guess what. They all have guns. And they agree with Ben Carson.

Almost unanimously, Jewish people acknowledge that part of the reason why the holocaust was allowed to get as out of control as it did, was that no one did anything about it. No one slayed the holocaust in its infancy. That no one, including the Jews, opposed the Nazi’s until it was too late. That Jews were powerless to stop the harassment, the badging, the confiscation, and the vandalism. They were powerless to stop the thuggery, the detainment, and ultimate genocide of their own people.

In fact, Jews have a saying – Never again. This isn’t like the “never forget” Americans say come September 11th. Forget isn’t a Hebrew word. Forget is not in the Jewish vernacular. Not forgetting something is easy. We Jews have one of the longest known histories of any people on this planet. It’s not because we have a short memory.

Instead the Jewish challenge is to never again, let such atrocities happen. Atrocities are not avoided with the pen. One cannot simply grab a pen, draw a circle around a problem, and expect to contain it. Rapes are not avoided with pleas of mercy. Holocaust are not avoided with diplomacy. Lest we forget, the Nazis were voted into power.

Like it or not. Agree with it or not. Whether it settles well in your political stomach or not, had Jews been armed, it’s possible the holocaust as we know it, would never have happened.

I was on the internet reading some stupid ass posts, and one Richard Hodge sarcastically wrote “Yes Genius. Jews with a few pistols could have easily defended themselves against an army that almost took over the world.”

To quote and paraphrase some of the more intelligent folks who replied, were these Jews who were rounded up and murdered better off without guns, or would they have been better off with them? The 9.5 million Jews living in Europe in 1933 would have constituted only a “few”? The Warsaw uprising is a good example of how armed citizens fought hard to defend themselves, but it was too few too late. Realistically speaking, a few million Jewish people with a few million pistols (and the ammunition to go with them) back in the mid-1930s might very well have changed history as we know it.

The world didn’t wake up one day to a fully militarized and entrenched Nazi Germany. The wave of a magic wand did not suddenly teleport millions of Jews to death camps. The holocaust happened one day at a time, one train at a time, one door knock at a time. Movements, even the Nazi movement, take time to build momentum. And enough armed people with the will to act, could have stopped it in its tracks, had they acted soon enough.

So although some might feel that the comparison is inappropriate, does not mean that the basis of the comparison is not solid.

Thank you, Dan Mcpherson, Andrew Haraldson, and Randy Leever for letting me bum your quotes.

Gay Marriage, Get Over It Already

Holy shit. If you read the comments sections of any article dealing with the recent gay marriage decision by the SCOTUS you would think they had just passed a law legalizing rape or something. That is how virulent some people are when taking to the message boards on major media sites. And I’m talking left leaning sites like MSNBC. And it’s not just news sites. It’s all over facebook too.

When I started this blog I originally intended to write about ‘controversial’ things and hot topics like gay marriage, weed, or firearm ownership and it sorta turned into a blog about movie reviews. I kept at it because honestly talking about Guardians of the Galaxy is way more fun than arguing with people about bullshit, but enough is enough already.

I’ll admit that I don’t usually give racism a full shake because nowadays hating on people based on their race is so socially shunned that people have simply become closet racists. But I gotta tell you, I am pretty fucking shocked at how anti-gay people still are, especially here in the U.S. Granted, I did not think the entire country was one giant San Francisco, but it’s not exactly a Disney movie out there either.

Here are some broad categories of reasons I’ve found people use to justify being anti-gay. I’ll show why they are wrong, but even better, I’ll do it using their own reasoning against them.

Religion

Some religious people are anti-gay because they claim it’s against God’s will. God looks down on homosexuality and we know because they bible tells us so. Arguing with Christians about this is pointless because they believe this in their soul of souls. So don’t argue with them.

To simplify things, let us play along and say there is for fact a God, that this God looks down on homosexuality as a sin, and that homosexuals are condemned to hell. Let’s say this is 100% fact, written in the stars. God came down from heaven last week and told everyone live on CNN.

Sharia law rioters in the UK- er…. I mean, Christians?

All that being said and known, why would religious people worry themselves about gays, or if gays were getting married?

Joe fucks Steve, Joe marries Steve, Joe and Steve go to hell. How does this concern Billy Bible?

If Joe and Steve go to hell, it’s not like Billy Bible gets dragged along for the ride, so what does he care what gays do or who they do it with, so long as everyone is a consenting adult?

I can understand being against things like murder, or rape, or theft, because these things have victims; the person who was murdered, raped, or robbed. But who exactly are the non-homosexual victims of homosexuality?

Homophobes

It’s hard to discern who is antigay and who is full blown homophobe but I am very perplexed specifically by people, especially men, who are always vehemently against gay dudes.

Gay dudes are a straight bachelors best friend, his guardian angel.

I mean fellas, come on. Every gay dude in existence is one less competitor in the world of heterosexual dating for men.

When I was 21 and single, it would have been nothing short of a miracle if half the male population decided they liked pole instead of hole. After all, less straight men means more straight women for the rest of us guys!

“Thanks gay dudes!” – Actual straight men everywhere

My thought here is that guys who are always complaining about gay guys are just jealous that others had the courage to come out of the closet before they did.

Mental Disease

Then there is a whole crowd of people who think, or at least claim to think that homosexuality is a mental disease or illness. Honestly, who the fuck knows. I’m not a doctor. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but either way I don’t see how it matters.

Actual post clipped from MSN, no doctored. Click to enlarge.
Click to enlarge in new tab.

Again, let’s just play along with this crowd for the sake of argument. Let’s say we establish without a doubt that homosexuality is a mental illness. Okay, now what?

Do we now hate on people because they have a mental illness?

Do we now prohibit people from getting married because they have a mental illness?

Mama said don’t wear white after labor daaayyy.

The people who think it’s perfectly acceptable to hate on gays or prohibit them from getting married, would they feel the same way about people with other, currently established mental illnesses?

Do they share this same hatred for people with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia? Would they be okay with prohibiting people with Tourette’s from getting married?

These people are another case of homophobes in denial, and they try to cover it up by playing doctor.

It’s a Choice

When the mental disease card gets overplayed, some people regress to sexuality being a choice.

Usually when this card gets thrown down on facebook or on the internet, the entire discussion becomes some stupid drawn out debate about whether or not people choose to be gay or straight, or if it’s innate.

But those arguments are fucking stupid. Because again, what difference does it make?

Whether you choose to be, or are born a Republican, an introvert, a homosexual, or left handed, what difference does it make?

People choose their religion and we don’t use that as a basis for discrimination.

I mean really, what’s the argument here? “Homosexuality would be okay if that’s actually the way you were born, but since you chose to be gay, fuck you. No marriage for you.”

The Misguided Small-Government Advocate

This one is perhaps the most frustrating because their stance on being against gay-marriage is supposedly rooted in some sort of anti-government libertarianism gone awry. It’s particularly frustrating to me because I’m libertarian.

A lot of people misinterpret libertarianism as being anti-government. True, a lot of libertarians are anti-government but that’s more of a symptom of the cause. The root of libertarianism is about keeping the government out of other people business. This means keeping the government out of your pocket, out of your church, and out of your bedroom. It just so happens that the only proven way to accomplish this is to have a small government.

I recently got into a bit of a debate with a friend of mine on facebook about the recent SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage, and he said “Notwithstanding sexual orientation, I still don’t understand what the government is doing sticking its nose in marriage in the first place.”

I was a little confused by this comment because it misunderstands whose nose is in whose business.

The recent ruling wasn’t pushing the government’s nose into marriage.

The ruling was pulling religion’s nose out of marriage.

So while the church and it’s followers cannot prohibit gays from getting a legal marriage, the state cannot compel the church to perform gay marriage ceremonies.

Religious Marriage vs. State Marriage

My friend then went on to say “Marriage should remain a religious ceremony.” To be honest I don’t even know the term to describe why this thinking is incorrect. It’s almost like some form of anterograde amnesia, where the sufferer has the inability to learn new information.

Yes, marriage is a religious ceremony when we’re talking about in the context of religion.

But the same word “marriage” can also mean the merger of any two things, such as “The United States is a shining example of the marriage of capitalism and democracy.”

Marriage has also been adopted by the state for legal use which can mean any two people getting married. Not just a man and another man, but also a secular heterosexual couple who gets married.

For some reason though this seems to result in some sort of mental short circuit for some people. They fail to grasp that religious ‘marriage’ and state ‘marriage’ are homonyms, or “one of a group of words that share the same spelling and pronunciation but have different meanings”.

Disguising Anti-Gay as being Pro-Religion

One of the more well-known claims that has lost some popularity in the past couple years is the whole argument of gay marriage ruining the sanctity of marriage. This can be shot down with my homonym argument above, but let’s take a detour for a second.

The whole premise behind this is religious people thinking that two gay dudes getting married is somehow against god and against the church.

But why then don’t religious folk make the same huss and fuss over two atheists, a man and a woman, going to the local court house to get hitched, when this clearly is an example of a non-religious marriage?

For decades in the US, secular couples have been having non-denominational and non-religious weddings. Why does gay marriage make it on to their radar?

Misinterpreting the Supreme Court’s Ruling

Of course, the whole cause of this recent hoopla is Obergefell v. Hodges which will no doubt be in our kids history books in 15 years, alongside Roe vs. Wade and other landmark decisions.

Up until now legislation and court rulings on gay marriage have been at the state level. You’d think a ruling from the mother fuckin’ Supreme Court would finally lay the issue to rest but it hasn’t.

Many people are now claiming that the SCOTUS overstepped it’s bounds, as this person here posted on MSNBC.com,

Actual post clipped from MSN, no doctored. Click to enlarge.

What people fail to realize is that the Supreme Court didn’t make a new law. They simply stated that any laws that allow marriage discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are unconstitutional, based on laws we already have in force, i.e. the law of the land, our constitution.

Conclusion

When you boil it down most of the arguments against gays or against gay marriage are pretty stupid. By that I mean none of them are so complicated that they even merit a Socratic seminar. Half the arguments can be won by using their own belief system against them. The other half can be dismissed with “yeah, and?”

I’m fucking tired. It’s like 11:57pm and I’m pooped.

To the gays of the U.S., congrats. You should celebrate. After a long and grueling battle, 8,000 gay pride parades later, you’ve finally won your right to get a gay divorce!

Gotcha!

Gotcha! -Buddy Christ

Disclaimer

This blog, article, whatever you call it has been on the back of my mind longer than any other I’ve written. A blog about how in modern society we have to give a god damn disclaimer before doing or saying anything. Most people will probably read this article and doze off three lines in so how do you start such a blog without first giving a disclaimer? Seems almost ironic that I would need a disclaimer to write a blog throwing jabs at disclaimers.

Basically, the gist of my angst here is that you can’t just be honest any more. You can’t just say what you think any more. You can’t just say the obvious any more. No matter how blatantly fucking obvious, or benign, or trivial something is these days, we all have to give disclaimers beforehand for fear of being shamed out of town, because we’ve fostered this atmosphere of wussiness.

I mean ordinarily, I would have been inclined to say at the beginning of this blog “Warning, this blog is about to use foul language. For those of you with children eyes, turn on the Disney Channel instead”.

People have to give disclaimers for practically everything they do. Here are some common examples you’re exposed to every day, whether at work, at home, during the holidays, or out in public.

  • What you say: “I can see your point of view, however it’s my opinion that…”
  • What you mean: “I heard you. I’m about to talk, please don’t hate me.”

 

  • What you say: “Before I begin, I want to clarify that I didn’t vote for Bush…”
  • What you mean: “Don’t hate me, I’m not Republican.”

 

  • What you say: “….oh and by the way, I’m Mexican.”
  • What you mean: “Don’t hate me, I’m not racist.”

 

  • What you say: “No offense, but…”
  • What you mean: “You won’t like what I’m about to say, please don’t hate me.”

 

  • What you say: “Excuse me, can you please lower your voice. I can’t hear the movie.”
  • What you mean: “I paid $12 for this ticket! Shut the fuck up before I shove my foot up your ass!”

 

 

You might argue these are niceties. But I think it’s really just pussy footing. Sometimes I wanna just blurt out “Offense intended. That’s a stupid idea.” There’s being flat out rude, and then there’s being flat out ridiculous, and I feel like the pendulum has swung very far in that direction. Even when something isn’t rude we’re afraid of coming off as rude because as a society we’ve slowly but surely been getting thinner skinned. So many people have such delicate sensibilities, and it seems like every issue is a hot topic of controversy for someone.

I’ve been told not to talk about politics even when I am with like-minded people in public, because some random person I’ll never see again might overhear and get offended. Gasp!

But exactly that’s the root of it. People being offended. Us being offended. Have we all always been so easily offended? Did we always use to cower when something of controversy was said amidst a mixed crowd at a dinner party? Do we dare not raise out glass in agreement with the stranger across the room for fear of earning some random bloke’s enmity? What happened?

Whatever fucking happened to straight shooters? Whatever happened to people who know what they want and say it. They just fucking say it for the sake of saying it? Whatever happened to Eminem? Clint Eastwood, Winston Churchill and George W. Bush? What happened to not giving a fuck?

To quote the great Marshall Mathers, “Whatever happened to wildin out and being violent? Whatever happened to catchin a good old-fashioned passionate ass whoopin’ and getting your shoes, coat, and your hat tooken

We give disclaimers for almost everything. It’s expected that you do, and rude if you don’t. If you just go off and say what you want to say, without first lubing up the sensibilities of the people around you, you’re bound to create some friction, and some enemies.

Because of this, a void in communication has been created. There are certain opinions, certain ideas, certain offensive truths that dare not be spoken for fear of offending someone and permanently landing yourself on their shit list. No more getting invited to couples charades. What has filled this void, is lies, false pleasantries, groupthink, blind obedience to, and agreement with those whose sensibilities might be offended. We’ve catered our thoughts and speech to the lowest common denominator of the emotionally volatile.

Starbucks caught a lot of flak for starting up a dialogue about race. That’s all, let’s just talk about race. Howard Schultz never told his employees to don a white hood and start setting crosses on fire, but that’s how people reacted to it.

When you baby a kid, he turns into a baby. So let’s stop treating everyone like babies. Let’s toughen up. Let’s be bold and speak what’s on our minds. I’m not saying go out and be rude, but let’s stop acting like the simple act of disagreeing is rude. Let’s stop acting like being individuals, and thus have individual thought, is an offence. Am I asking you to stop using disclaimers? Well…

Happy Thor’s Day

In the last couple years Americans seemed to have caught on to the fact that Thursday means – or at least sounds like – Thor’s Day. In fact it does stem from Thor’s Day but Thursday is not a one off in that it is not the only day of the week that gets its’ English name from the Nordic mythos.

It might come as a surprise to many people out there that in the English language, all the days of the week are named after a deity or thing of worship, and their roots date back to Nordic and Greek paganism/mythology.

Here is some interesting stuff you may not know about the days of the week.

Sunday

The first one is quick and easy. This one should come as no surprise to anyone, but Sunday actually means Sun Day, or day of the sun. At least in English. On to the next day.

Monday

If the first one was the day of the sun… wait for it. Monday comes from Moon Day! This is also the same in Spanish – Lunes – and several other Latin languages. Even the Germans call it Montag.

Tuesday

Tyr got a day of the week and Loki got didn't? I call bullshit.
Tyr got a day of the week and Loki didn’t? Ain’t that a bitch?

Okay, let’s get on to the interesting stuff. Tuesday through Friday all get their names from the Norse calendar, so what the heck does Tuesday mean? Tuesday comes from Teiw’s Day, which comes from Tyr’s Day. And just who is Tyr? The history is sketchy and often contradictory, but the popular consensus is Tyr was Thor’s brother. Nudge, nudge, Marvel! I hear a sequel coming on.

Wednesday

Moving on through the Norse pantheon we arrive at Wedne. Wait huh? All those Scandinavian languages are weird. I’ll cut to the chase here, but Wedn actually comes from Odin. Odin -> Woden -> Wedn. Aside from the d and the n, this one seems like a bit of a stretch but you gotta trust me on this. Or visit Wikipedia.

Odin banishes thou from Asgard for saying Happy Humpday!
Odin banishes thou from Asgard for saying Happy Humpday!

Thursday

Come on. The name of the blog didn’t give this one away? Thursday means Thor’s Day. Next!

Friday

If Wednesday was the day of Thor’s dad, then Friday ought to be the day of Thor’s mom, right? We’ll like it or not, it is. Friday actually comes from Frigg’s Day. Most Germanic languages also reference Frigg in some way or another in Friday, whereas most Latin languages have dubbed Friday after Venus.

Thor's mom has got it going on. And did you see how she was kicking that Dark Elf's ass?
Thor’s mom has got it going on. And did you see how she was kicking that Dark Elf’s ass?

Saturday

And which one of Thor’s relatives is Saturday named after? None actually.

What gives? Saturday was the ancient Norse equivalent of their sabbath, or day of rest, just like in Judaism. SaturnAs such, they never actually named Saturday. In the absence of a name for this day of the week, most cultures veered towards naming it after the Greek deity Cronos, or as the Romans called him, Saturn (better known as Zeus’ dad). Thus Saturday means Saturn’s Day.

But let’s get back to whole sabbath thing for a second. Native Spanish speakers actually gloss over this one quite often just because it’s their primary language, but the Spanish word for Saturday is Sabado, which actually means sabbath. Cool huh?

Cool Theory, But No

One idea that I tossed around once was that the seven days of the week were literally named after their respective number of the week, assuming the week started with Monday. It goes like this.

  1. Mon = One
  2. Tues = Two
  3. Wed = Three (somehow)
  4. Thur = Fhur = Four
  5. Fri     = Five
  6. Sat   = Six
  7. Sun   = Seven

Of course this isn’t the case, but the lining up of the letters and how the first syllables sound is a very interesting coincidence? Or is it?

Interesting Facts

A lunar cycle is about 28 days, and a week is 7 days, so a week is essentially a lunar cycle broken into quarters. Why did almost every culture around the world (on all continents) decide that a repeating week schedule ought to be 7 days, vs say 14? I don’t know, but it is interesting that there are some common threads in the way the days of the week are named, whether they are Latin, Germanic, Indo-European, Indian, or even East Asian.

The common naming convention is that Monday and Sunday are almost always named after the moon and sun, respectively, regardless of where in the world you are. Tuesday through Saturday are named after the five planets in our solar system visible to the naked eye. That’s understandable, but the weird part is they are all named backasswards in the same random order.

From the Sun outward, the first five non-Earth planets are in a different order than the days of the week.

  1. Mercury – Wednesday
  2. Venus – Friday
  3. Mars – Tuesday
  4. Jupiter – Thursday
  5. Saturn – Saturday

Now I damn well better hear everyone saying Happy Odin’s Day from now on!

Merry Fucking Christmas

As everyone probably knows, my mom is Jewish. However it may come to a lot of people’s surprise that growing up, we never had a “Hanukkah Bush” or a “Hanukkah Tree”. Yeah, we had a menorah on the mantle, but every year we also went to the tree lot and decorated it and put an angel on top, and my mom insisted to everyone that our tree was in fact a Christmas tree. Even as a non-Christian she never had a problem having a Christmas tree. And why should she?

I’m not particularly religious. I do believe in God, but I’m very secular. Not being a religious person, I can see how Christianity, or at the very least, Christmas, is constantly being put on defense here in the US.

You have a couple people constantly taking jabs at Christmas.

Happy Holidays Trolls

A lot of us have been conditioned to say “Happy Holidays” because of years of indoctrination from HR and PR people at work telling us it’s no longer acceptable to say Merry Christmas. Oh, and you’re fired if you say it at the holiday party on Friday. Did you get the memo?

How do I describe that there is nothing inherently wrong with saying Happy Holidays while at the same time acknowledging that it’s bullshit we must say it to avoid “offending” some uptight, over sensitive pussies? I guess I just did.

Hulk smash people who say Merry Christmas!!!
Hulk smash people who say Merry Christmas!!!

As stated above, my mom is Jewish. I can’t remember her ever getting bent out of shape when an unsuspecting neighbor would tell her “Merry Christmas!” but a lot of people do. Who are these trolls that sit and wait for the opportunity to pounce on well-intended people who had no idea you were lurking under your dick bridge? “We’re Scientologists in the household! Raw raw raw! You should say Happy Holidays!”

Asshole Atheists

Disclaimer, I don’t think all atheists are assholes. And not all atheists do this, but the ones that do are so incredibly fucking annoying and douche baggy about it they get their whole section.

Some atheists just like to shit all over everything remotely religious, especially Christian related, and especially during the holidays.

“What’s that? Merry Christmas? Don’t shove your religion down my throat! We’ll let me regurgitate to you my pre-rehearsed diatribe about how God isn’t real and you’re an idiot. Take that Christmas!”

atheist

Side note, they only like to do this to Christians for some reason. You’ll constantly hear atheists say “Christianity is the cause of X million deaths and blah blah blah, fuck your religion” right to a Christian during Christmas, but you’ll never hear them say that shit to a Muslim about Islam during Ramadan.

Let me also offer up that not all atheists share the urge to suck the life and joy out of the holidays. My girlfriend is an atheist and she LOVES Christmas. She says “Merry Christmas!”, and writes Christmas cards, puts up Christmas lights on her Christmas tree, and buys Christmas presents for her friends and family.

Counter Culture Fucktards

These people are more annoying than asshole atheists. They probably are closet atheists and just don’t want people to know, so they disguise their anti-religious garb as being strictly anti-consumerism, which everyone knows is a façade.

Come Christmas time, these fucktards will tell you alllllll about how Christmas has been hijacked, and how all things Christmassy are actually rooted in paganism, or were invented by Hallmark, and therefore you’re not even celebrating Christmas. What’s their end game here? Are they hoping everyone is going to be all “Oh my gosh, you’re right. Fuck me. I guess I’ll mope around during the holidays and be a miserable little twat like you. Thanks for nudge!”

"Well Christ wasn't even born on December 25th, wah wah wah, boo hoo"
“Well Christ wasn’t even born on December 25th, wah wah wah, boo hoo”

Like really, who the hell cares? For fucks sake, we get it. You don’t like Christmas and you’re too much of a pussy to come out and say it, so instead you have to shit all over Christmas trees, and Santa, and Rudolph, and giving presents. You’re counter culture and annoying as shit. We got it. Go suck a dick already.

 

Get Over It Already

You don’t have to be a Christian to like Christmas. It’s a cool holiday! During October everyone decks their home out to look like a horror movie. In December everyone decks their home in awesome lights, snow, and furry critters. It’s like EDC for a whole month, but with hot cocoa, and without the ecstasy. People actually hold open doors and use manners, and have parties, and listen to Christmas music, and have ugly sweater competitions, and play the elephant game. Parents get to spend quality time with their kids decorating trees, and get to watch their kids eyes light up. People get to hang out with their family, and maybe enjoy that new 70 inch TV they trampled an old lady for on Black Friday. Plus, all the amazing food, and time off work/school for most of us.

If you like Christmas, keep on keeping on, and don’t feel one ounce of guilt for doing so.

If you don’t like Christmas, that’s fine, you don’t have to.

And if you like to shit all over Christmas, get a life.

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas!

ninja santa